“No Farms, No Food” No Longer an Empty Threat

What began as a harmless slogan on a green bumper sticker has turned into a national crisis. The “No Farms No Food” phrase, plastered on millions of car bumpers city-wide, was originally meant to bring awareness to the declining number of locally owned farms in the country. But beginning in 2014, “No Farms No Food” will no longer be just another sticker to squint at from behind the wheel during rush hour traffic. Instead, this will be the reality for every New Yorker.

The last farm in the New York Metro Area is due to close at the end of the year, along with thousands of other farms that provide food to US citizens around the country. And as food activists have warned, no farms will lead to Americans having no food. “We’ll have to seek alternative sources of energy for our bodies,” one activist explained. “People will need to learn how to forage, fish, and use renewable resources. Currently, I am wearing a jacket with solar panels and a windmill helmet, which will convert sunshine and gusts of wind into calories for me.”

NOTE: This is part of Great Performances’ April Fools Newsletter. Don’t believe everything you read on the Internet!